This is something I have been wanting to do for such a very long time now. And I have tried to think of a more humiliating way of doing it, and given the circumstance this is about the worst it can get. I want to sincerely apologize to someone who was a very good friend of mine, of who I believe I hurt pretty badly. Now I’m not no way shape or form a malicious or straight mean person, but for selfish reasons I did what I did for reasons I shall explain. Here goes…
This past summer, I had been on the fence with my living choices. My family needed me in NY, I wanted to stay in Atlanta with my friend, and my daughter wanted to move closer to her dad in Las Vegas. After an internet convention held in Detroit, and passing thru Chicago, I received a phone call. It was my daughter, she was crying telling me how much she missed me and didn’t understand why I couldn’t of been there in Las Vegas with her. (See my daughter was staying with her dad for the summer) and I remember tears just falling from my face, b/c when you have a child, your life is not your own. Your dreams, hopes and aspirations are second, and the childs needs are put first. I knew at that present moment that I was going to hurt a very good friend of mine, and I didn’t know how to tell them. I had already made plans to go down to Atlanta and visit them in a few days, so I stuck with that plan.
The ride from Chicago to Atlanta was a pretty short one although it took me 11hours, it didn’t seem like enough time, b/c I hadn’t the slightest clue how to explain to my friend that I was moving clear across the country despite my cry and pleading that I would stay nearby in Atlanta. Upon arriving the city limits, I decided to keep my moving a secret, because I truly in my heart felt that IF I had told my friend I was moving that it would ruin the whole visit, and we wouldn’t have a decent goodbye. That was wrong on my part and I want to apologize, because I should have gave my friend the option of continuing the plan of me visiting due to the new circumstance of my moving, instead of me selfishly still wanting to see my friend and having my own ‘decent’ goodbye. I truly apologize for that. I know its hindsight, but I want you to know that it killed me every minute in my heart to know I was leaving and I hadn’t been 100 with you.
I didn’t make it clear before writing this, that after my daughter graduated from Kindergarten, I put all of my things in storage in Atlanta, took my daughter to her father in Vegas, and my plan was to just save and travel. So, as I stayed with my friend in Atlanta, and they went to work, I gave all my things away in storage and just packed up my car with clothes and pictures.
The night before I planned to leave I felt horrible. I couldn’t even sleep well at all, and it was written all over my face. I even remember my friend asking me the morning of “Are you okay?” I lied and said “Yes.” But my heart was aching with turmoil. I was planning to drive clear across the country from Atlanta to Las Vegas, and here I had made movie plans after my friend got off of work. I hugged my friend goodbye, and got on the road. Now I have traveled and drove lots and lots of places, but never was there a ride such as this. My stomach cramped up, I felt queasy like as if I was on a never ending roller coaster. I was literally sick with myself for the way I was and had treated my friend. Its so unlike me. All because I didn’t want to give my friend the option of saying “No, don’t come and see me before you go to Vegas, it would hurt me too badly.” I didn’t want to hear that, cuz I really wanted to see my friend before leaving, and look at the cost it costed me.
My friend texted me around lunch time, and I had just crossed into Texas, so there definitely was no turning back, and asked “Wat’s up?” I just couldn’t take it anymore, my stomach cramping, feeling sick like on a roller coaster, although it was the absolute worst way to tell a friend of yours something like what I had to share, I texted back that I was on the road, and I was moving to Las Vegas. Instantly, my cramping stopped, and it changed to a pant, like what’s going to happen now. A text came back, as expected with anger and hurt, and I didn’t even blame them. I kind of figured that would of happened. And almost immediately, I pulled over and threw up. I felt horrible. I am not a person who can treat people like crap and go on with my day. Although this story doesn’t depict such, I truly am a honest and sincere person, and although I made a decision for someone else I honestly felt as though my friend couldn’t handle seeing me if they knew what was at hand. And I just wanted the last visit/memory to be a pleasant one. Not one of hurt and pain, but look what happened anyway. So much for my plan.
But Sharie I want you to know that I am truly sorry for the way I treated you. Please know, it was not my intention. Everything I do is for that little girl of mine and if I could have my way, I’d be in Atlanta right now meeting you for lunch. Please accept my apology, please know that I did not mean to hurt you.
I’m sorry…